my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
