I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
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I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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