So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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