i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
