my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
