So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
