i need an iv and a liver transplant
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
