my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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