I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
