The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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