well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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