After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
