I just pynch a tree in the face
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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