We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
