smell my finger.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
how drunk are you?
Several
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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