I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
