non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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