i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
