I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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