just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
