im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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