oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
