As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
