I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize