Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize