She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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