life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
