I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Can Purell be used as lube?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
