Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
