It's Friday. Sex?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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