my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
