So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
