so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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