I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
