I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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