We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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