I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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