Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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