I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Enjoy the penises
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
