Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
