Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
not ubering you a puppy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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