my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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