My first STD was from a foam party
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick