Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.