I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party