I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.