How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?