i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
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I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.