My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk