This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.