He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
