I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
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