ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
