I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
