end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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