heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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