I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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