How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
