I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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