That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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