Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Randomize
