Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
