I am in a vortex of obligation.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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