Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
