Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
