So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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