you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
