It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
