Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
