did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
