i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
