Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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