Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
