new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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