wanna go halves on a baby?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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