she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
