i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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