I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
