Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
