I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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