Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm just crazy horny about you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
