one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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