i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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