i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
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You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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