you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
