I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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