i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
